Brian Damage

Hello again to all my friends,

I'd like to take this opportunity to share with you a most.... unpleasant and unfortunate event. It would seem my life has become a comedy of errors and a most predictable one at that.
I have been hit by a car, I have run over a rattle snake, been circled by a shark, electrocuted and now this....

I woke up feeling brand new...
I was thinking about the beating my knees had taken in their relatively short life and musing that I probably would be relegated to a wheel chair within a decade (DRAMATIC IRONY). Anyway...I thought to myself, "probably should go for a run." Just as that thought crossed my usually blank mind, the heavens opened up and a torrential downpour began. I set out anyway, thinking it was my first chance to run in a somewhat normal temperature as the rain would cool it off a bit. The run was brilliant and I was getting some serious stares. Normal stares are reserved for gringos. When gringos do strange things, the stares go from curiosity to condescending repulsion very quickly.
I got lost and shot out onto a main road. I was running down the sidewalk and the drainage in Santo Domingo isn't exactly a marvel of modern engineering. Needless to say, I was splashing through a lake. Just as I started really enjoying the run and a smile crossed my face, I DROPPED INTO A MANHOLE! In the middle of broad daylight. Completely submerged in 3rd world water, I thought, "this can't be real... I can't believe this is my life". My entire body into a drain... *shakes head in exasperation* I pulled myself out and gasped at the polluted air in shock. I crawled out, much to the surprise of a bus full of dominicans, and took stock of the damage. Bloody hand, giant welt on quad from hitting the curb, and busted knees (of course) from hitting as I fell face first down the manhole. I looked at the water... haha. well, look for yourself.

I limped back home. Bloody. Dirty. Badly bruised. Incredulous.

Moral: If you put your faith in puddles, you will get your heart broken. Even if it seems like a nice puddle that you would take home to your parents, think twice bloggers. They are all the same. Dirty liars.

THUG is just one letter more than HUG :)

I am about to smack you in the face with some real talk so sit down and callate.

Here is what happened to me recently that is funny to me. We'll see if it cuts the mustard and is interesting to you too.

• First things first... I traveled to a place called Las Terrenas (mass white sand beaches and thieves and junk) with 2 friends and Caitlin
  
• We spent the wknd on the beach and Caitlin almost got robbed which was funny.
  
• I found a knife and hunted coconuts (I learned to climb palm trees and which ones were ripe and effective ways to gut the cocos) I was like Tom Hanks in that boring movie where he talks to that volleyball the whole time.
  
• We stayed in a Mansion for some reason ( friend of a friend of a friend lives there) for 15 dollars a night
  
• When I was climbing one of the many palms, I failed to notice a wire that was hooked to a light and I got electrocuted BIG TIME. I got shocked off the tree when I was halfway up. It also caused my arm to pink up like a salmon steak. It was hilarious and I felt like a stupid dog running into an electrical fence. Life lessons.
• I might have gotten a job as a permasubsitute teacher at an english school. THUG LIFE!
  
• I also found out where the triathlon federation de dominicana is located and they will be visited shortly by a certain bear that everyone knows and few bearly tolerate (PUN).
• SPOILER ALERT: SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE ahahhahahahahah

Love you and post comments if you think this was cool or really boring (be harsh because I want this blog to be all killer and no filler like the opposite of a limp bizkit album or something)

Fred Durst out.

Despierto

Hello,

So I am in the dominican republic as we speak (actually you aren't speaking... I am writing... so pipe down and listen). This is my third day here and I am locked in an apartamento ahora.... I will get back to that. Oh also, get used to spanglish because I am learning espanol and it may come out like word vomit.

This country is pretty cool from what I have seen and not nearly as third world as the US stereotype dictates from what I have seen. Caitlin and I have been wandering around looking for food and other items. The food is excellent. But food is pretty much excellent everywhere. The dish that sticks out is MOFONGO. El Mofongo es hecho de platanos y la piel de puerco. En igleis, plaintains and pork rinds. It is amazing. Mira esto.


It is how you get obese on a budget. Speaking of which, nothing is cheap. In fact, quite the opposite. The cost of living, foodwise, is more expensive than california. Porque? Yo tengo ni idea pero asi es la vida.

Also, we saw a dead dog on the side walk. It was a shock to the system. It was quite dead and I think it had been shot in the head. I don't want to see it again.

The heat and humidity is effing loco and I am sweating profusely as I write and gumming up the keyboard. I wake up in the middle of the night dripping like a hot dog on a rotisserie. I am hoping I will get used to it pero no estoy seguro.

Buenas,

JP

ps. I am locked in an apartment because things lock from the inside as well as the outside. Good for ensuring that you have the keys but bad if you don't have the keys and want to escape.

Everything and nothing at all

Hey all,

Sorry for not writing in a while. Here is the long overdue and sure to be unnoticed update of my blunders and exploits...

• I lost 40 dollars in penny slots- Very frustrating. I am just determined enough of a gambler to lose everything. I did drink heavily so that may have been a contributing factor.
  
• I went skydiving- It was a birthday present to my girlfriend, Caitlin. She loved it. I thought it was kind of boring relative to the fear festival that I had imagined. It was sort of like being in front of a giant fan after jumping off a car going 25 mph. Snooze... wake me up when we're on the ground and I can ask for a refund.
• I broke two hours in an olympic- My second time under that barrier and it was a legit course! I put together a phenomenal bike ride to get me in under 59 which was good for the third fastest ride of the day or so and gave me a cushion for the run. I came in at 1:58:30 after faltering in the back part of the 10k to run a 38 high. I haven't been truly happy with a performance since Ironman last year so it was really nice.
  
• I am now very overtrained- The above race ruined me and ever since then I have been sleeping a lot (10-14 hours a night). Any ideas on how to fight this other than rest would be nice to hear...
• I did a race across the state of Michigan. It was a running relay of about 290 miles. I will do a different post later to show you how wicked it was.

I am loving running right now. You should too. It is an amazingly personal experience that teaches you a lot about yourself. The cool thing is that racing is a group of people sharing that personal journey together. Whether you are first or last, everyone has a very deep look into their own mind. I think a lot of that is lost in triathlon as people are incredibly detail oriented and the soul searching gets forgotten in obsessing about nutrition, aero gear, the course, and the weather. Get in touch with yourself during training and racing and I think everything else will sort itself out. Sorry to preach but that is just the Tao of Pooh. Now go run and think.

Hey Midwesterners!

I just wanted to write to alert you of a fledgling race in Traverse City on AUGUST 23. It is called the... wait for it...

It is put on by Endurance Evolutions and more information can be found on www.enduranceevolution.com


This race offers an unparalleled course through a ridiculously gorgeous part of Traverse City that few get to see. Think vineyards and orchards. It also features a protected swim through bowers harbor, a part of Grand Traverse Bay. You can do the Olympic distance or the sprint distance. They specialize in ensuring a wonderful experience for both seasoned vets and people new to the sport.

The reason I am so excited about this race is because the former MSU triathlon club President, Mr. Eric Tingwall, and my former Spanish teacher, El Senor Joel Gaff, are the race directors. They have serious experience running 3 5k's and about 4-5 triathlons while we were at Michigan State together and both had a huge hand in legitimizing and truly establishing the club.

Eric and Joel... This race will be unbelievable.

Go out and support this race. I promise you won't regret it. These guys have done unbelievable work in the past and this will be no different.

SPARTY ON

When it's reppin' time

So I am on my new tt rig full time. It is a BMC tto2 (team evotri issue). We are still getting used to each other like college freshmen roommates. Being from taiwan, the BMC is a long way from home and it is hard being in a new place and living with a new person who sits/ sweats on it all the time. Tough adjustment.
Anyway, it is reppin time. Just to preface this, I will never hype up a product I am not all about. I don't care enough to blog about something that doesn't interest me. That being said, I am so into the zipp vuka aerobars. They are so cool it makes me feel like I want to drink a bunch of red bull and run around in circles, yelling, and pulling my hair out. But I won't.
Let me list the things that make these bars sick as a diaper rash (figure of speech)

• s bend bars that have a 2.5 degree off set so they can rotate... I have them turned in and they literally are the most comfortable part of my bike... I was riding them unrotated and I felt like I was cultivating carpal tunnel syndrome.... rotating them was like a whole new world....
  

• They are super aero as the base bar is so thin it basically disappears and the rotation allows you to bring your hands so close you can punch through the wind
• Hoods are set up exactly like a road bike so it feels perfect.

The zipp bars are worth every penny. GO COP THAT SHIT.


In addition to all of that, my little jaunt in cali is coming to a close... This place is a playground. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Midwesterners... you don't have to put up with cold dark winters, slushy grey springs, and muggy summers. You don't have to pray to god to take your life quickly rather than endure one more depression inducing February. There is another way. But in california, you gotta pay. *THE MORE YOU KNOOOOWWWWW*

I am done at Nokia for the time being (June 26th)

You may be thinking, " What the snicklefritz, bro? What are you going to do now? If I were you, I would shut down and go on a chocolate cake and cookie dough ice cream bender. I'd listen to John Mayer until I threw it up from the sobbing that "daughters" brought about."

Cool down, bloggers. Relax or you might break your space bar.

Well here's a few things I am going to do in the next three weeks...

• gamble
• sky dive
• run all over the mitten (a lot of miles)
  
• see my sister who has been in switzerland for 7 months

So insane I'm a monster/
Not Bush but similar to his missile launcher/
Blog so you know the happening/
Usually lose touch when I'm traveling/
Keep it together everyone, because it beats unraveling

Check Check out my melody

Just raced the Ann Arbor triathlon. It is a big race in the midwest and gets literally all the talent out from Michigan and a smattering of pros from time to time. It is a really great race and also is literally 3 minutes from my parent's house.

Race reports are hard to read for me because Michigan State didn't exactly foster anything other than activities damaging to brain cells... So I will provide cliff notes! It should be like reading those god forsaken "tweets" except more dignified.

Race details: 800m swim, 14 mile bike, 5 mile trail run

notes:

• bike route is literally the roughest ride ever in triathlons. gives new meaning to the word shit shaker.
• run is pretty hard, slow, and sandy but it is that way for everyone so shutup about it.

My Race:

Swim (horrible but acceptable time due to great stroke):

• Roughed up bad at the beginning by a guy who was intent on becoming intimate and then making me his boyfriend. Not the way you go about it, for any of you out there who are thinking, "LOL, so that's how you pick people up. I've been trying seduce people by teaching them magic cards."
• Lost about 30 seconds trying to get some clear water
• Swam a horrible line. I was pinballing all over the course like a moron.
  
• Stroke felt amazing. Really smooth and good rotation.
• 12th best swim out of 450
  

Bike (very solid finally):

• No speedometer, just tried to catch my friend who drubbed me at collegiate nationals
• Biked very hard thinking I had lost a ton of time due to the first part of the swim
• 3rd or 4th best bike
• Back to my normal self where the bike is the best after a two year hiatus of being a dumpling on two wheels

Run (bad first half, good second half):

• Scorching t2 (fastest in race by 15 seconds)
• Saw my friend for a second initially then lost him on the trail
• Really weak first three miles mentally. Let my friend run away to about a 1:40 gap.
• Really strong closing two miles and cut the gap to 50 seconds
  
• 12th best run

Overall: 6th. Finally a good race. Now that I can run, all the disciplines are coming together.


I still have some weak points and need to work on my bike cadence and my pedal stroke, which is choppy due to biking on a bum knee. I also need to commit to running hills and get my leg turnover back.

Oh also, I won Chris Tucker's celebrity 5k a couple weeks ago. They gave me 250 bucks. 16:43 (it was slightly short). First W ever!

Next up:

Ventura Breath of Life Olympic triathlon (Jun 28th)
Waterloo Triathlon (July 12th)
Great Lakes relay (July 17th-19th)