PROOF THAT I AM SMARTER THAN YOU

ok ok... so you may have seen kona... Best race EVER. Forget Mark and Dave in 89. This was insane. But before you watch the clip, I would like to direct you to my previous kona blog and specifically this line:

"Raelart runs a 2:44 to win if it is warm. He was a few cups of Gatorade away from winning his first one and was pinning Crowie for a good while. Macca will surprise people and will win if it is cool."

Guess what happened. Raelart and Macca ran shoulder to shoulder from mile 21... CLOUD COVER came and cooled the race a bit.... ANNNDDD....Macca wins!!!! The definitive move was made as Raelart went for a cup at an aid station... again a few cups of gatorade short. What did Raelart run? 2:44. Thank you.

WATCH TO SEE HOW SMART I AM

Kona

Kona… I love it so much. To me it is the combination of the Super Bowl and the birth of a child. Nothing makes me more excited. I have three people to watch. My good training buddy, Anthony Barton, is ready to go. Teammate Michelle is carrying a load of fitness from Placid. Kyle Visin, a guy who has been helping me train for Ironman, is poised to run the fastest amateur marathon… He ran a 3:02 in Arizona!

The pro race is going to be incredible too. It will be fireworks big time and not like normal fireworks. Disney world fireworks. Things that blow up into a sparkly Mickey Mouse head or the Disney Castle. Exceptional. Here are my picks.

Women’s:

It will take an act of God to stop Chrissie. Even that may not be enough (she lost something like 15 minutes with flats 2 yrs ago)... With an 8:19 at Challenge Roth (running a 2:48) she will absolutely kill everyone. It’s not even worth really discussing anyone else but Mirinda Carfrae and Tereza Marcel are again on great form. Julie Dibens will lead the race and maybe for a long while, but she can’t match Chrissie’s or Mirinda’s pace for a marathon even if she were running a 10k. No chance. Chrissie takes it lowering her course record again.

Men’s:

Completely wide open. The easy pic is Crowie and he is coming in with a perfect fitness and peaking better than last year. I don't buy that he has a weak bike but honestly I don’t think he has the fastest marathon (see Macca’s 2:42 and 2:45) in the field. Raelart and Henning were impressive with huge wins in Germany this yr. Macca and Stadler have been completely overlooked. Here’s my take… Crowie loses out. Raelart runs a 2:44 to win if it is warm. He was a few cups of Gatorade away from winning his first one and was pinning Crowie for a good while. Macca will surprise people and will win if it is cool. His race schedule was super light and his marathon is still the best in the field... including Crowie. Henning can’t close the race but will be in the hunt. Despite running and training like hell, Lieto still can’t win the race but will be involved late in the game again. You have to be a mongrel to win here and the only people who can win this race up top are Macca, Crowie, and Raelart. Forget Llanos, Stadler, Henning, Bozzone, Bockel, Beke, Potts, Bracht, and Lieto because they don’t have the mental goods to win in this field. You can’t rely on others making mistakes in this year’s race... As an aside, Fraser Cartmell will be in the top 10 in his first go.

The race also coincides with my last huge workout of the year before IM florida. 4hrs on the bike and a 13 mile run all at race pace... all my training days have been rungs on the ladder leading up to this. I have had a huge IM build that I am really confident in. This is the icing on the cake. Once I am done, I am glued to the computer to watch some red, shiney Mickey Mouse heads blow up.

Ugly Training

After taking a look at my previous posts it has becoming incredibly clear that I am only posting highlights of my training. People keep saying things like, “wow your training is ridiculous/ epic/ making me feel like less of a man… you are such a cool dude/ beast/ sexy hybrid animal who could run himself to death” How flattering. But utterly false. I want to share the less glamorous training so you get that it isn’t all setting pr’s and shattering ceilings. In fact it is almost none of that.

My training has been consistent from last November until now. I have missed probably 2 weeks in that time due to sickness. At that time my fitness was such that a continuous 20 min swim was all I could manage. Forget about a 2 hour bike ride. 23 mph was a thoroughly taxing effort. The climate of the Dominican had something to do with it but my standard run pace was about 8:30-9 min/mile. It has come a long way since then but the bottom line is the everyday stuff is mindless steady training. Sometimes it feels good and is respectable. More often than not it is shamefully slow. I sometimes stop to walk during runs where things aren’t firing. I go on rides where I don’t take my speedometer because it would just annoy me and make me do stupid things in training. I specifically pick running routes where no one will see me because I want to be alone in my slowness and shameful turdgery.

I don’t hesitate to be all sorts of flashy when I am doing race simulations as I am a vain peacock of a man but I would say the big workouts that seem awesome make up about 1 percent of my training over the last year. The rest is steady consistency. It’s the best. No fireworks and not huge hours relatively but it works for me.

For example… today I got up and ran/ waddled through a medium run. Super slow. I have run this route probably a good 5 minutes faster feeling really easy but today wasn’t the day. That doesn’t mean it was worthless. I was outside watching the sun come up on a trail system all to myself…

PRs are meant for races. Training PRs happen but aren’t the goal. Enjoy the process and don’t chase numbers. Let them come to you.

Nutrition Bible. Read this because I'm smarter than you.

Today I was out on a ride, thinking about the previous day's workout. It went awesome butI hate those long days mainly because I have to practice my race nutrition plan on them... Race nutrition is the biggest bunch of bull shit ever. Think about how many triathletes say "oh I would have nailed that race but i screwed up my nutrition" or "I was clicking along at 6 minute miles then I started barfing fruit punch gatorade right and left" or " I drank too much hammer heed and started hallucinating that Bon Jovi was sexually harassing me" .... too many.

This is the ultimate scam perpetrated by marketing departments. This sugary garbage is hugely overpriced but the kicker is... most of it fails MISERABLY at its only goal: keeping you functioning in a race situation.

Most of you who know me, know I am very opinionated. Also, you probably know I am nearly always right... basically what I am saying is what follows can essentially be treated as the definitive BIBLE, if you will, of race nutrition:

Now, I know bloggers really aren't that smart and can't handle reading things without pictures so I will do my best to dumb this down by creating a metaphor (don't be scared... this still isn't a book) relating nutrition companies to high school social hierarchy.

PLEASE! Before you drink the Race Nutrition Kool-Aid... read this.

Gatorade is like that girl in high school who does everything. She is the head cheerleader, she sings in the choir, she is the student council president. You see her everywhere. Also, she is in your advanced classes, pretending to be smart, and constantly asks really stupid questions. You see where I am going.

Gatorade is useless. Despite having derrick jeter telling you it's sweet and having a crap load of "science" behind it, it fails ALL THE TIME. If it hasn't failed you, give it time. The only people it may not fail are golfers, race car drivers, and baseball players. They could drink battery acid and perform fine. But also, they aren't athletes. Gatorade- you suck.

Clif bar is like that hippie girl in your classes who, at first, looks really interesting and says cool anti-establishment things. Then you get closer to her and she smells like rotten mexican food and sweat. Also, she is a painter and her art sucks.

Clif bar touts its organic ness and how the company takes "the road less travelled"...I puked in my mouth and I am not even eating their crap product. Who gives a S^%$ about organic. Last thing I am thinking about when I am puking clif bloks all over my bike shorts is how environmentally conscious the company is. Clif Bar- you are progressive but you still suck.

Hammer nutrition. HA! Hammer is that horribly acne'd, hugely obese, horrifically mean person in high school. You look for the best in everyone but, after thorough investigation, this person really has no redeemable qualities. Amazing, I know.

I can't even believe they are still in business. Every product is a failure. AN EPIC FAILURE. This company is so out of touch it's insane. You're better off drinking bacon fat and eating cake frosting. Hammer- you suck more than I can express in words.

Moral of the story is the only thing that works is water. Water is sadly not enough for long races. That being said... Powerbar and Gu gel get a blue ribbon for winning this toilet bowl of pathetic products. Congrats, you guys suck the least.

Coke also gets an honorable mention as accidentally being probably the best product around for racing. Imagine if it was still made with coca leaves. That stuff was probably off the charts.

Flying

Today I got up at 6 and jumped in the car and headed for my "time trial" course I have been riding for the last month. It is a bit tougher than IM florida but is the best simulation because it is on the coast so it usually gets good wind.

However, today the wind gods were asleep and I got through 60 miles on the bike before they woke up. I was ON FIRE. I went through 60 miles at 24.2 mph average. The winds kicked up as I was pushing the pace back home. I ended up hitting 95 miles at 23.7 mph average! (100 miles total) My ass muscles were completely detonated, but I felt more or less fresh.

I jumped off the bike, loaded up with coke, and set off on the run... I was clicking along ok but my gut was swelling like crazy due to a bird food-like clif bar and a huge breakfast. The first 4 miles looked like a pregnancy in time lapsed photography. I was swelling like an oompa loompa. A trip to the port-a-potty later and I was sorted. I finally found a rhythm and I ended up with 9.2 miles @ 7:30 pace (9.75 miles total with a waddly cool down)

let me recap:

95 miles @ 23.7 mph

9.2 miles @ 7:30 min/mile

That is flying! It was under control too... Still one more ladder rung to go. But it was a perfect day all around.

Brownlee

Alistair Brownlee was a baller even when he was 8... Look at that face. He takes it deeper than anyone.

Nerves

Wow. Can't believe this but I wanted to throw you guys an update...

I am super nervous for this Saturday. I am basically posting this for some accountability. I am jittery for my planned workout. 100 mile ride 10 mile run. This is non-negotiable and massive bricks are critical for Ironman success.

I will post how it goes. No short cuts.

Another thing I am trying to do is lean out by COMPLETELY cleaning my diet up. I am blasting through pounds of Salad, Lemon Water, and Nuts. I have cut out cereal and the majority of processed food. I am on day five of being super on top of it and I am doing really well and seeing results already. It's amazing how puffy mid night cereal makes you.

Stay tuned for Saturday.