pretty cool update

I met/ rode with/ had coffee with Chris Mccormack! You probably know him as the king of all things cool, interesting, and triathlon related. You may have been excited when he shook your hand or took a drink out of your waterbottle (this was me at New Orleans 70.3). Well he's a person too, apparently. A nice person who does a better job promoting starbucks coffee than under armour.

This was a cool start to a Wednesday. It was also funny to realize what a microcosm triathlon really is. I kind of felt like I was sitting with the president. Then I realized no one knew who he was outside of triathlon. I tried to relay this event to others and I got a ton of "who's that" and a couple "does he do triathlons too?" and several "I don't cares". People also questioned me for being so... I think the term was "dandy" about this guy.

I have never been star struck before (saw matthew mccaunehey running at a secluded beach and didn't give a flip) and finally when I am, apparently no one else realizes how cool this is.

Whatever... I also saw the Jimmy Kimmel show. What's that, world?? You care about JIMMY KIMMEL?!
Your idol is my BFF!

Mad Lib

Hello _CHICKLETS_

This _WEEK_ has been _PLUMP_ with _ACTIVITIES_

I _RACED_ on Saturday. However when it came time to _REGISTER_ I decided that was _RUBISH_. I arrived at the 4 mile trail run and _WADDLED_ around the starting line. I started about 30 seconds after the runners had gone by and sprinted the first mile to cut the lead to about 10 seconds. The trail went straight up for 3/4 of a mile and I caught all but one guy who kept me at about 8-10 seconds to the top of the hill. The next mile was all _DOWN HILL_ and I ran absolutely _BONKERS_ to catch that _CHORIZO_. I caught him about halfway down and sat on his back, breathing heavily on the nape of his neck (creepy?). With about 800 m to go I pushed it and _DROPPED HIM LIKE A BAD HABIT_. I walked off to the side about 200m from the line and he realized I was a bandit. He yelled in his thick european accent, "you pushed me and you weren't even in the race?!" The 2nd and 3rd place guys asked if I was ok as I was walking and I said I'm fine. They looked at me and muttered, "oh he's banditing". I was _HORRIBLY ASHAMED_. I ran off like a _GUILTY COWARD_ so as not to feel the wrath of anyone else.

First experience banditing a race... felt _GUILTY_ the whole way. Probably the way _HAMBURGLER_ feels every day of his _ MISERABLE _ existence.

Either way, I have never won a race before and I didn't really but I would have! I was starting the think I was the proverbial Jan Ullrich ( sans addiction to ecstacy and bacon fat) or Phil Michelson (man boobs not included) as I have about four 2nd place finishes and two 3rds.

There is a term in german... schweine-hunt. It means piggy dog. Let's just say this was an affectionate nickname for Jan's love of the good life and over indulgence in schnitzels.

Looks like it was a chilly day on the links.

PHIL- (noun) choke artist and majority share holder in Krispy Kreme

It has been _UNBEARABLE_ to write to you again. I hope to _BURN MY ARM HAIR_ in the near future. I have been having _GASTROINTESTINAL ISSUES_ which is why I haven't written in a while. _SEE YOU SOON_

JSEV

Guess who's back like a bra strap or a street boy

Pink Tank Top? Now you're speaking my language!

I can run again! After 2 months of no running, I have run the last two days for 30 min a pop. I didn't realize how much I missed it. Biking and swimming don't have the same feeling for me. I couldn't pin point what it was until I heard someone desribe it perfectly. They said running makes me feel clean. That is exactly it and I have been gunked up for the last 2 months. Let the cleansing begin.

Also, It is 90 degrees here. Being a hulking monster, I usually buckle in heat. I am going to try to turn myself into a camel by running at noon.

My run has been a huge liability while racing over the last two months. The melon knee has caused one dnf, one hobbled 1/2 marathon, and the lack of running has led to two mollases slow 10k's.

This obese cat has put together faster run splits than I have

Hopefully, the return to running will lead to a return to the form that I need to race properly.

Soon I will be racing like a sleek weasel.

Run for fun, bros. Being outside is sweet and sweating is too. Enjoy it, because not many people can or choose to do it.

Public Service Announcement:Pugs and their owners

I have a serious issue with how people personify their animals. There is something that is so backwards about a world where people are starving and animals take on their owner's obesity.

Case Study: Star Jones and Mikey the Rotweiller


Mikey didn't chose this life. Star forced it on him. Do you think Mikey chose to wear that ridiculous necklace? Someone needs to stop that pushy monster before that dog breaks his own legs.

However, much worse than Star Jones' transgressions are those of pug owners. These people are so blinded by their own devotion to these horrible creatures. It drives them to name them human names like steve, charles, or chester because they think it is cute or something. I think the thought process goes something like this...

"OOOOOOOO he's my little man! LOL... what should I call him???? OH I KNOW! I'll name him James Snugglesworth the Third because he is such a proper little gentlemen. LOL!"

for example of this... watch this video and listen to how this man talks to this animal. Note how he says, "Look at that stoagie! WOOWWW."

idiot


They are also blinded to the pug's hideous features. It looks like someone took a normal dog and beat its face with a shovel then put it in a microwave. Not noticing this is sort of like a new parent not realizing that they have the ugliest baby in the world.

Someone should tell them. The pug is easily in the top three ugliest things in nature which puts it in the rare company of the proboscis monkey and Beans from Even Stevens



I don't mean to hurt any feelings (sorry for that cheap shot, Beans). The actions of pug owners really say it all.

1. Everyone involved in this video forgot about self respect a long time ago
2. Souldja pug (this is most boring form of animal abuse I have ever seen)
3. this pug is so disinterested in bringing sexy back

If you have a pug or know someone with a pug, put that thing in the freezer as quickly as possible or drive a stake through its stubby tail. At the very least, neuter it. The pug owner will thank you as this will break them of that bizarre pug trance that drives people to dress the dog up.

Unfairijuana

I met Aaron Scheidies in my freshmen year at MSU. He was the president and is a blind triathlete. Naturally, this is kind of hard as you need to see pretty well to race. Especially on the bike where Aaron, if left to his own devices, could run over a dog or smash into a telephone pole. He saves the dogs and poles by using a guide. Yesterday, I got my first chance to guide him!

He flew in from Seattle on Friday. He stayed with me for a bit then we went to a small (or so we thought) race a little east of LA. When he talked about this race, he said it was a dinky sprint that he wanted to do because he knew the race director. It was a reverse tri (5k, 10mile bike, 150m swim). He sent me the website and I saw it had a gigantic prize purse! 2500 for first. I called him up to ask him about this. He isn't completely blind so he can use a computer if he presses his eye up to the screen and uses a zoom program that makes words look as large as Star Jones tattoos. Sorry, I'm catty.

Anyway, he hadn't seen this and once he realized that huge money was on the line, he was in attack mode. We showed up to the line thinking no pros would show up to this obscure race. wrong. Over the loud speaker we heard, "And we have olympic silver medalist, and IM world champ, Michellie Jones in the house. Also, Bryan Rhodes the 5 time IM champ will be toeing the line." ITU stud Chris Sehulus had noticed the money up for grabs as well. We laughed and shrugged it off. It was a race that we knew we could smash despite the field. Aaron can move. He has gone sub 2 in olympic distances and won the amateur US open triathlon overall.


We figured if we could limit our losses on the 5k and hammer on the tandem bike we could win the race and claim the 2500 prize. We went to the line and Rhodesy made a gun motion at Scheidies and I. (seriously) He looked confident, but I could tell he was crying like a tiny baby squirrell inside.

The gun went off and we went with the leaders in a pack of 5. We were moving at my absolute limit. We hit halfway and were 30 seconds down on Sehulus and 15 seconds down on Rhodes. I was stunned. We were hauling ass and went through halfway at 8:15 or so. I was thinking, "I cannot let us lose this race in the 5k but I am not going to make it onto the bike." Aaron was flying. We hit the last hill (about 30 seconds from transtion) and Aaron basically dragged me up it. I was more of an anchor than a guide. We came in at 16:45!!!!!!! (best 5k ever) We were down by 30 seconds on Rhodes and 1:10 on Sehulus.

The tandem is unstoppable. We knew we had the money if we could smash the bike. 2 miles in we were down 10-18 seconds on Rhodes and 35 seconds on Chris and closing fast. I couldn't believe we were going to win a race with Michellie Jones and Bryan Rhodes in it. Then the worst happened. Aaron's pedal broke off which reduced us to a three legged monster. In the shock of the pedal incident, we missed a turn. We went back, adding about a mile and tried to get through the rest of the bike. Very difficult going up hills with a tandem with only three legs and a ton of weight. It's harder than a normal bike with both people pushing hard with all legs. With one person, it is like a midget toeing an elephant around on a rickshaw. I gave everything I had and Aaron's left leg was pushed to its limit. We were still passing people and after losing about 3 minutes we were back to about 14th place (a bummer after sniffing the lead). We pushed into the transition and gunned it to the pool passing another one on the 500m sprint to the water.

We finished in 13th....... dammit. We had the win. AGAINST BRYAN EFF WORDING RHODES.

Still it was amazing and the day was not lost. I loved guiding Scheidies as it turned triathlon into a real team sport... I ran my fastest 5k ever by about 30 seconds... and we met Bryan Rhodes after the race and found out he is staying in LA. We exchanged numbers and are going to hit the bike together in the next couple weeks.

After the race we bought 2 quarts of ice cream and plowed through about a quart between the two of us. It was kind of a "boyfriend dumps you so you console yourself with ben and jerry's" situation. The food coma put us out at 8pm and we slept for 11 hours.

Not bad for a dinky triathlon.

It was a great weekend with Aaron. He is hilarious and we just screwed around the whole time. He is great and his future is so bright he needs a sundress.

Chess Mate

Get ready for the best!!!!!! I ran pain free for the first time in a month and change. 10 minutes and it was not an issue. I have one thing to say to you, knee. CHESS MATE!!!!!!!!!! (watch horton hears a who now and go back and count the references)

Anyway, I have a race this weekend for a 2000 first prize. I am guiding my blind buddy and KSWISS athlete, Aaron Scheidies. He is the world champ disabled athlete so he is the real deal...going under 2 hours in an olympic several times. The race is a reverse tri with a 5k, 10mile bike, and 150 m swim... I have no idea why events this short exist or why they pay people to do them. Either way I am going to haul his blind ass to big big money.


Also, I am moving to the Dominican Republic! Caitlin (girl/best friend) got a job in Santo Domingo so.... I am getting learn spanish cds. It is one of her dreams to live abroad and I am pumped to tag along.


Songs that I hate:

Anything by the rolling stones except "get off of my cloud"

My Sherona

Things that I love:

Monkey videos!!!!!!!!!!!! Monkey are just humans without rules.

check these out. you will laugh, you will cry, you might even be disgusted. But you will be a better person for watching them....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR71GnQ4CU4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DBuk91phkI

Nationals

Here is the general rundown...
Race day was about 40-45 degrees with a water temp of 55. The swim was long. The winds were about 15mph. The run was flat and pretty fast. Times were incredibly slow. About 9-10 minutes slow.
My race-
Swim start was a bit of a shock as the lead group gapped me within 100m. I was then strung out swimming alone, but swimming pretty well. I came out a minute down to the lead group which was fine.

Got on my bike and had a climb right out of transition which was comfortable. I got going and immediately started a bout of puking that was unbelievable. My arm was covered in bile after mile 4. I didn't stop until mile 20. I couldn't put anything down until then without it being splatttered over my jersey. Also, the power on the bike was awful compared to New Orleans 70.3 which is 2.5x the distance. I was around 275-280 as opposed to 290 watts. No idea what happened but I biked like a dog. The good thing was I didn't let anything take me out of the race despite things not going my way.

Got into the run and felt good for the first 5k going through at 18 flat or so. The knee felt a bit tight but nothing like New Orleans. At mile 4 the wheels came off but I dug incredibly deep and held it together to average 6:10's which is pretty marginal. I kind of expected that as I didn't get to put in the run training I wanted after the car crash.

Overall- I was incredibly happy with my effort as I absolutely had nothing left when I hit the line. And what little I had left, I immediately puked up. I was pretty bummed about my place/ speed. I was as flat as old miller light. Sometimes the day is magic and sometimes your body does not show up to the party.

Best part- The team did brilliantly. One of my good buddies, Matt Inch, placed 12th with a stellar race. I constructed his month and a half long training block leading up to nationals so it was awesome to see the training pay off for him. We placed 5th out of 68 as guys, 10th for girls, and 7th overall as coeds. Really great performance all around. The best part was everyone I saw raced harder than I have ever seen. MSU raced with heart which is something not a lot of teams can say.

Here are some of the funeral I held for my bike... pregnant women and children look away.