Monday, December 20, 2010

Chubby Bunny and the Airing of Grievances

I've been living in some sort of fantasy world where black licorice is a main food group and pizza is a breakfast food. Apparently my body has reacted to this and I have turned into a flabby goblin. I look like a marshmallow peep after 20 seconds in the microwave. Vile. Licorice just got thrown out.

On another note.... I'd like to share a very embarrassing story. I just got back from a trip to the ER. Here is a stupid explanation...I was operating on my powertap hub and trying to update the hub. I lacked the tool to remove the shell so I was using a knife. MISTAKE. I cut myself pretty deeply right on the knuckle. Quite frankly, I slit the hell out of my knuckle. My finger was absolutely puking blood all over my disc wheel. It was one of those legendary paper cuts.

My Mom is a nurse and Dad is an ER doc and they have conditioned me to not go to the hospital as most injuries just sort themselves out. Apparently the only exception to the rule is paper cuts

It was healing up slightly until I started writing a couple days ago. I was writing a christmas card and a few thank you cards and some checks... I incidentally was bending the heck out of it. About an hour later it had tripled in size

and I was calling my Dad to explain the situation (should have done that a week ago). He told me to get seen which worried me as that is coming from a man who has operated on me with a sewing needle that he had held over a candle. Again... who knew that paper cuts on the knuckle are the only exception to the never go to hospital rule. Anyway, I was just there to get on a course of antibiotics really. Thank god though cuz the Jersey Shore was on in the ER waiting room. I would say booya but that wouldn't do justice to the level of excitement that was gained from watching snooki screech like a howler monkey in heat even despite my finger pains.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Blair Witch Running PSA

Listen, bloggers. I am writing a PSA. Being prepared is critical. This extends from how to handle your food when camping, to knowing how to fix a flat tire, and even to predator/prey situations. Don't bother reading this if your idea of a good time is cozying up on the sofa and catching up on your DVD of Lost Season 2. Continue reading if you have one too many coffees and start thinking that finding a coyote in the wild and attacking it might be a good idea. You are my target audience...

Some baller taking life by the B@ll$ and confronting a coyote on Snowboard

Here goes:

You never know when you will need to escape. But I can tell you one thing... if you wait to find out when, it's already too late. Constant vigilance isn't enough. You need to be ready. I know you're probably thinking, "HOLY CRAP! What if I get eaten by a falcon or worse? JP! HELP! LOL! TELL US WHAT TO DO." Settle down. You're lucky I am writing this.

Escaping is critical. It is an essential skill that few, in our sedentary, feeding trough society, could do properly. So without further ado: here is my guide for developing your flight mechanism.

1. Get a headlamp (all good ideas start here)
2. Lie in wait til that bothersome sun goes away and has been gone for several hours. Make sure the moon isn't around either.
3. Play some "Comfort Eagle" by cake, bong a few energy drinks, and snort some cayenne. This is a critical step to heighten your senses.
4. Go outside and run directly into a forest.
5. Run around until you are disoriented. This should take at least 30 minutes.
6. Now... you should be around some animals. Even squirrels will do... Remember, this is a dry run. It's better if the animals aren't big.
7. With your heightened senses from step 3 and sight deprivation, your ears are firing on all cylinders.
8. Stop and turn off your light.
9. As soon as you hear a twig crack, SPRINT for your life. It's the blair witch you dumb ass.
10. You should be lost by now, just like those stupid kids. You are probably also frightened. Don't panic or pee yourself, you coward. Use your wits to get home. The key is to sprint like a scared rabbit every time you hear anything.

Repeat this as many times as needed until you feel equipped to deal with any bird of prey attack or run in with a bully.

I am training again! I'm back baby.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


The past two days have been the first two under a new regime. I am no longer in the driver seat, piloting wherever I please, lazing about in the pool like a crawdad. I have a coach and I am pumped!
Jill Savege is taking the reins from my incompetent hands. I was sold after we met the first time and found out how aligned we were in terms of training philosophy. She has excelled at a variety of distances. She was on the Canadian National team, won multiple world cups, and has a few top Ironman places and a top 10 at Hawaii.
If I tell you any more I will have to kill you, but you can bet your ass I will be ballin this season.

In other news, I slit my finger wide open while messing with a knife. I don't want to go into specifics of how or why I was doing what I was doing with said knife. My mom reads this and it will make her anxious. I bled like I would never get a chance to bleed again and it got all over my disc wheel and my computer.
My family has been conditioned to not go to the hospital so that wasn't an option. Mom is a nurse and Dad is a doctor so they see a lot of false alarms and they made sure we were never among them. I figured out (read: googled) how to cut butterfly bandages to bring the skin together as it was on the knuckle. However, this was after a day of bleeding all over and several failed bandaging attempts. I splattered it all over my disc wheel and dripped on my computer. It has stopped now.

Potato Reenactment

Finally, I have some BIG news. I may have scored an interview with a LEGEND. I will give you a hint: he is one of the Big Four. If you don't know what I am talking about, google it or stick your head in an oven or something. I have already interviewed two of the four so you have a 50/50 chance. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Iris Questions and Answers

Disregard this post if you aren't pretty interested in triathlon training. It will put you to sleep. It probably will anyway. I don't care.

One of my friends, Iris, recently asked for some input on her upcoming season and how to structure it. Good questions. Trying to provide some useful feedback got me thinking and I thought I would share my answer. These are some things that have taken a long time for me to learn. Disclaimer: training is so individual that, while this is great training for me, it may leave something to be desired for you. Different strokes for different folks. Anyway, on with the show.


This statement “Anyway, pretty soon I really want to start doing lots and lots and lots of training.” is not a good idea. Start lightly with mostly aerobic stuff. Keep it pretty aerobic/ steady for 6-8 weeks, then you can start to inject some intensity. Keep in mind, aerobic does not mean slow. It is pretty challenging to keep steady and not fade when in your aerobic zone. It starts out feeling easy then it gets pretty tough once you are a while in… Once you can maintain power for say 2.5-3 hours on the bike, you have earned the right to continue to intense training. Think of it as graduating to harder training.

Here are some basic guidelines and things that have worked for me (may not work for you)

· Consistency in all disciplines, almost never went more than 72 hrs between sessions in each sport

· Frequency in running to build durability... A lot of injuries come from people neglecting to train their connective tissue (doesn’t have to be long but I was running 5-7 times a week most weeks- low intensity on most)

· Strength on the bike (lots of steady/ mod hard efforts… building the distance on these during the major IM build)

· Continuous swimming was a good addition but I was lacking variety/ overall length in swim training

· I used lots of caution with intensity but probably too little development of top end

· Racing infrequently to keep training blocks uninterrupted (probably not applicable to you as you seem to handle a large race load…big difference between small girls and large guys)

She then asked a question about recovery and the 3 weeks on, 1 week off axiom of triathlon training....

I disagree with the 3 up 1 down system...this is the structure that most people follow, but I have found that it is too long to train and too long to recover. I think most people would do better with a 10-16 day training period followed by a 2-5 day block of recovery... I find that overall I can take fewer recovery days this way and hit the training with fresher legs.

For example, If you can make 10 days of training, then take 2 recovery days to feel fresh, then repeat. You have just completed 20 training days and 4 recovery days vs the 3 up 1 down system of 21 training and 7 recovery days ... 10 and 2 is more efficient and generally the 10 and 10 are more quality than 21 straight. Personally, if I train hard longer than 16 days and try to make it 21, the last five days are shit and worthless in terms of building fitness. To make matters worse, it almost always takes the full 7 days to fully recover. The point is to maximize your training time during your blocks and get completely fresh during your recovery... Simple but not easy.

I take recovery by feel. If it takes 2 days to feel completely fresh, then good and I will immediately get back into training. If it takes 7, then fine but the point is to feel completely fresh. Same with training, if you get blasted quick then take a day off. You should end your training block feeling properly tired... not too deep in the bucket, but definitely not fresh... it takes a long time to learn what is properly tired. It takes time to learn the system that is best for you.

My overall guidelines are to be frequent, be consistent, don’t overdo it in any individual session and don’t get caught up in competition in practice…sometimes is ok but all the time is not, be diligent about recovery, minimize processed food and gluten. Work in the following order: form then aerobic/strength then speed.