Saturday, October 30, 2010

Happy Baday

Yesterday was my birthday and it was pretty cool. Cait made me banana bread so I woke up to hot banana bread with candles stuffed in it- Awesome. Then, I got dressed as Harry Potter. Not for any weird personal reasons just for Halloween purposes. Then I opened my presents. Mainly food presents-Awesome. I also got this from one of my good friends, Iris.... Check it out
Pretty Stellar.
Thanks, Iris.

I talked to my Parents for a while and they also got me food related items. My roommates did too. You may ask, "but JP, food isn't a present! Is it? LOL!!!"
Well, despite your obnoxious use of LOL's and exclamation points, I will answer your question. Yes. It is. It's called a birthday stocking. Just like a christmas stocking, but on Birthdays. I invented it (patent pending). I have explained this concept to everyone I love and it results in my getting about 3-6 birthday stockings each year. The best part is they are always different. And if they are the same... who cares! Food is good even if you have two of something.

Anways...It was a perfect Birthday. Going out for a ride now. Bye bye.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Macca Video

Breakdown of Macca's race. He was dealt a great hand and played it to perfection. RAYNARD! Hit the Gas!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


"Great things happen to people who make great things happen to themselves."-Simon Whitfield

Ironman Florida is coming up quick and I am ready to jump out of my skin. Legs feel kinda like shite. Heart and lungs feel supercharged. Legs will come around so all is on track...

My head is kind of getting away from me and I am starting to have some really high expectations, bordering on unreasonable. In order to achieve what I am now shooting for, everything will have to be executed to perfection. I am prepared to dip deep into the well to make it happen, but it may take more than that.

Plan is to swim super strong but not empty the tank. The bike is where the bread will be buttered. I am not interested in the common "hold back" bike technique that everyone preaches for Ironman. I did it at Ironman Wisconsin and it is fine when going after Ironman completion. I left at least 10 minutes on the table at that race by touring on the bike instead of racing. Soft strategies are for people who are scared to fail. I am ready to air it out on the bike and have done it in every brick/ long bike all season. No reason to soft pedal now. The key to the race will be easing into the marathon. Unlike the bike, I can't get away with any bull on the run. I want to race to my potential and either it will result in a super fast time or complete implosion 14 miles into the marathon. Fireworks either way.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Today was a fairytale


Just thought I would get your attention. Taylor Swift is a talent that comes along once in a generation so you better be paying attention. Now that I have a captive audience, I'd like to tell you some cool news. Cait's back! The peck returned from Yosemite where she was chaperoning brats for a week. Yes, THE yosemite of "double rainbow" fame. If you don't know the youtube clip "double rainbow", it isn't funny. What is funny is she went through a week of the kids shouting double rainbow every five seconds and busting up laughing. I would have fit in well so I am planning on chaperoning next time.

I was pumped that she got back. So pumped that I went for a bike ride without her. Then we went hiking where I constantly reminded her of the double rainbow by shouting it every time we crested a hill. It's the gift that keeps on giving. OH MY GOD IT'S SO BRIGHT AND VIVID.

Brick is on the agenda today. Legs feel sweet on the bike especially.

Here's something that is actually funny. Little treat for getting to the end of yet another pointless post.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Ease up on the Gas. Grilled Cheesus.

I went flippin stir crazy during my recovery week. I was jumping out of my skin but my body was totally in the bucket and I was having trouble climbing out. Finally I came right just in time to hit some major workouts with my buddy from out of town... They promptly put me back in the bucket. Shit.

Instead of resting, I hit a huge speed workout on my bike that had me cross-eyed by the end... literally. It was just for a second but I was actually cross-eyed. Pretty funny and new experience.

I took a day to relax but couldn't help thrashing myself in the pool. Damn. Then feeling that pull and feeling a bit chubby, I hit another hard workout: 1 hr 50 min strong strong ride with big wind and some ok climbs then a 30 min hillacious run. Damn.

I got smart about getting back on track and ate super healthy, did the 30 min window of carbs and a bit of protein, then jumped in the pool and the hot tub to bob around and let my muscles chill.

I feel good today. Short nice and easy swim... no thrashing myself. Good. Trying to resist my running shoes calling my name. God. I need to ease off and I know it as I am trying to get fresh for Ironman but I can't for some reason. That's the problem with addiction, I guess. I would be a terrible heroine addict. Honestly though, triathlon is probably more expensive.

Unrelated. I have some book recommendations for those of you who geek out properly on endurance stuff.

  1. once a runner (classic book about a miler... super intense and motivating read)
  2. again to carthage (same miler transitions to the marathon... weird pacing and slow beginning but picks up)
  3. simon says gold (kinda corny shit writing but cool to hear about simon whitfield in general)

I am about to start a book born to run, high crimes (mountain climbing), and then Mark Allen's new book... I'll let you know.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Good Weekend pt. 2

The next day Caitlin was off on a trip to Yosemite where she will be chaperoning a week long 8th grade field trip (read: getting paid to hike around in a national park). Me and Aaron connected with a lady near my house who has a 15,000 dollar titanium tandem bike. Sidenote: She is also Macca and Terenzo’s homestay and has all their bikes from Kona. Awesome to see.

The plan was to do a 60 mile ride then a 45 minute run. We headed over to her house. Turns out it is a ridiculous mansion, kitty corner from the Kardashians’ place. Weird. We tried to outfit the tandem as best we could but it was made for midgets and babies. I felt like I was on a tricycle but we got rolling. The gearing was paltry. They apparently run tiny teacup nancy gears instead of manly dinner plate gears and we spun out a ton. The rain was coming down as we headed around the Santa Monica mountains. Lots of climbing and 60 miles later, we jumped off and onto the run. The plan was to run at Ironman pace for a bit then turn the screws but we hit it hard from the gun. It was super hilly and we were both puffing by the end. We finished on an uphill and I was really happy with the effort 3 weeks out from Ironman.

We bounced back to the house and off to a hole-in-the-wall Italian place for dinner. I haven’t had pasta in 3 months and I basically inhaled it. I met a couple of his friends from the LA tri club and we geeked out on triathlon talk. Overall, amazing weekend with a good friend. The training was spot on and my legs are feeling good. 3 weeks to go...

Good Weekend Pt. 1

Finally my down week is over. I just started my last bit of training before Ironman. My friend, Aaron Scheidies, came into town on Friday. We had plans to meet up at the Distance Swim Challenge in Santa Monica the next day. I did a 2.4 mile race and he was entered in the 4.8 mile race. As I made my way over to the start, I saw him coming into the halfway point of his race. Keep in mind, Scheidies is visually impaired. I saw him coming in and I noticed that his guide (a kayaker) was following him. Not the other way around. This is a major problem for a blind person swimming in a very large ocean. He was snaking all over the place, apparently with designs of swimming an extra 2.4 miles just for kicks. The crazy thing was he was leading the race. Haha. Service to all able bodied athletes.

After watching him, I took off with about a group of 60 swimmers and got out past the surf break and quickly into a rhythm. I jumped on a train of two feet and sat in, still pushing to stay on their feet. We came around the 1.2 mile buoy and the train broke apart. The second guy dropped 15 m back and the lead guy went off the front. I was stranded in no man’s land as I headed into a “check point” halfway through. It was some sort of anal medical check on the orders of the LA life guard. Anyway, I headed back out into a big surf. This time, instead of slipping out of the surf like a baby dolphin, I was barreled 4 times like an obese hippo in the ocean for the first time. I lost 30 meters to the guy behind me and he hit the turn buoy up by 5 meters. In a blind rage, I hit the gas to regain my spot in 3rd. I swam hard for 100 strokes and flipped onto my back to check where he was. 8 meters back and swimming well. The good thing was I had enough of a gap so he wasn't drafting. We hit the turn buoy to the finish and I checked. He was 4 meters back and sprinting. I absolutely redlined, rode a wave in, and hit the beach. We almost reeled in 2nd place who was probably 100 meters up at the turn. I sprinted up the beach and promptly fell and ate a bunch of sand. I scrambled back to my feet, looked over my shoulder, and crossed the finish 15 seconds up and on the podium. I grabbed my knees and rasped for O2. Good race.

After, I talked to Caitlin for a bit and I met up with Aaron who was highly disoriented and chaffed all over his body. He had won the 4.8 mile swim! I also had a huge raw wound all over my neck from sand getting in the wetsuit and we griped to each other as we headed to Starbucks. Off to the awards and the VIP tent (Aaron is big business) where we met Marcellus Wiley (NFL player and ESPN analyst) who had just learned to swim and was in the 1.2 mile race, no doubt floundering like a wounded harp seal. Then we headed back to my house after collecting our prizes (floor tiles that had first place painted on them) and had a few beers.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Beans Beans the musical fruit

Not talking about the standard green bean that may or may not cause flatulence. I am talking about the bean responsible for the elixir of the Gods. The coffee bean may get a lot of love. But let me tell you it is STILL underappreciated. Here are some comments about the beauty of coffee.

1. Nothin gets my colon rollin’ like a huge cup in the morning…Sorry coworkers. You should thank your lucky stars for industrial flushers.
2. I would snort or mainline the beans if the drink weren’t available
3. No other substance could literally support a billion dollar industry that has representatives rivaling McDonald’s. Suck it beer.
4. Move over compulsive exercisers, because this is the most socially accepted addiction ever.
5. If you drink too much alcohol you are labeled an alcoholic and have to go to classes like a sucker. No such stigma for coffee drinkers. So go ahead, drink that whole pot you pathetic junkie.
6. Coffee smells better than everything. Nothing comes close…except apple cider and donuts but if you had those every day you would balloon up as fast as Eddy Murphy puts on a fat suit for money. It’s amazing how often he has tried that fat thing… Idiot.
7. Science rationalizes coffee ALL the time. It prevents gout! It’s an antioxidant! It reduces your risk of Gallstones! It makes you see Jesus! Science can’t stop thinking of weird ways that coffee is baller. I can see them all sitting around in lab coats, guzzling coffee, and as the time goes by they get more excited from the caffeine and more frenetic about their slanted research.
8. Coffee has improved ice cream, milk, candy, and has provided us with an enormous source of caffeine. We have impregnated a ton of different things with said caffeine that would otherwise be boring and not worthwhile. I feel like people who drink energy drinks are just being disrespectful.
I'm getting another coffee. BOOYAH

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

That time of the month

Harry Potter/Hugh Grant marathon!

In an effort to balance my highlight posting with lowlight posting, I figured I should give some insight into recovery weeks (hence the title) I'll give you sort of a timeline of the days leading up to it.

T-3 days to recovery week: Feeling like lead is pumping into my muscles. Heart rate doesn't make sense with effort level. Begging for time off.
T-2 days to recovery week: Appetite is kind of gone. Lower ass half sinks in the water and makes my pool workouts suck. Reluctantly eat some carbs to get ready for the next day.
T-1 day to recovery week: One more monster effort where I allow myself to be completely detonated. Can take this day as deep as possible. Generally feels like SHITE.

Recovery week! It sounds so nice. Sort of like vacation. Newsflash bloggers: I am in the middle of one and it isn't that cool.
My appetite returns like a demon straight out of Hitler's corner of hell and I spend nearly all waking hours either eating or thinking about eating. Nothing can stop me and once I get a taste of, say, popcorn, I won't stop til I have eaten at least 40% of the food that doesn't require any preparation.
My legs feel like cookie dough for at least 4 days if I am properly tired from the training.
My motivation sort of droops like a dead flower and I do very little in the way of being a contributing member of society.
Specific accomplishments in recovery week are basically limited to the following:
1. dressing yourself to go outside
2. stopping yourself from eating your own hand during a binge session
3. And the big one: watching every harry potter/ hugh grant movie in one week (sound impossible?)
4. Not napping every time you find yourself alone.

I snapped this picture just as Hugh Grant was launching his container of baked beans at me. I waited in his bushes for 6 hours and when I asked for an autograph and he gave me his dinner instead. He also verbally abused me and kicked me in the ribs.

Couple things

Couple things today...

My Mom told me to talk more about the women's race so, begrudgingly, I will. Why begrudgingly? Because the depth of the women's field is really weak in my opinion. That might not be fair as Chrissie may be the best women's athlete ever... so comparisons are a bit slanted... The men's field doesn't have a Chrissie but they have 20 guys who could win. Natascha Badmann could get away with swimming a 1:03 and still win the race like 6 or 7 times. That put her back like 8 minutes... in the men's race if you miss the front pack by more than 2 minutes you can kiss your race goodbye unless you plan on setting a bike course record. Sharpen up Yvonne Van Vlerken... Swimming over an hour is unprofessional.

No one can really touch the top 3 girls in the sport. That being said, the top three girls are RIDICULOUS. Sadly, Chrissie dropped out. Down to 2. Julie Dibens and Mirinda Carfrae...and they didn't let us down. Dibens popped out in the lead and proceeded to bike out of her mind. But Mirinda, with a much improved swim, was nipping at her heels. She unleashed on the bike (nothing compared to Dibens who looked super smooth and metronomic) and then went to work on the run... Holy god. Dibs was running really well but Rinny is in another area code. She took the win with a 2:53 marathon! 2:53 stacks up really well with the male pros.... it doesn't just stack up, she destroyed most of the male pro field on the run. Amazing race but you can't help but ask: what happens if Chrissie starts?

Second thing- Saturday was my final big day in my 3 week ironman build. 85 miles on the bike and 12 miles on the run at race pace. First 10 minutes on the bike and I knew my legs had not showed up to the party. Sluggish, gummy, and heavy. Not a good thing for fighting coastal wind. It didn't seem to matter though as my speed was fine. I kept the effort high even though my heart rate was super depressed from huge fatigue. I finished with an average of 23.4 mph! I hope this speed translates to Ironman because if I can hit a 23.4 mph average I am biking in the 4:40's... huge if.
The best part of the workout was getting off the bike, loading up with coke and setting off with fresh running legs. I felt really comfortable for the first 4 miles @ 7:29 pace. I loaded up with some more coke and stepped up the pace. Again, comfortable @ 7:25 pace for 4 miles... more coke and again, comfortable @ 7:14 for 4 miles. I started to feel the edge going 7:15's but I finished feeling pretty good, knowing I could do a buttload more if need be. Average for 12 miles was about 7:23's.

85 miles @ 23.4 mph
12 miles @ 7:23's

I've got to think that translates, right?

Next up- recovery week and then doing everything I can to be ready for the race.

Sunday, October 10, 2010


ok ok... so you may have seen kona... Best race EVER. Forget Mark and Dave in 89. This was insane. But before you watch the clip, I would like to direct you to my previous kona blog and specifically this line:

"Raelart runs a 2:44 to win if it is warm. He was a few cups of Gatorade away from winning his first one and was pinning Crowie for a good while. Macca will surprise people and will win if it is cool."

Guess what happened. Raelart and Macca ran shoulder to shoulder from mile 21... CLOUD COVER came and cooled the race a bit.... ANNNDDD....Macca wins!!!! The definitive move was made as Raelart went for a cup at an aid station... again a few cups of gatorade short. What did Raelart run? 2:44. Thank you.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Kona… I love it so much. To me it is the combination of the Super Bowl and the birth of a child. Nothing makes me more excited. I have three people to watch. My good training buddy, Anthony Barton, is ready to go. Teammate Michelle is carrying a load of fitness from Placid. Kyle Visin, a guy who has been helping me train for Ironman, is poised to run the fastest amateur marathon… He ran a 3:02 in Arizona!

The pro race is going to be incredible too. It will be fireworks big time and not like normal fireworks. Disney world fireworks. Things that blow up into a sparkly Mickey Mouse head or the Disney Castle. Exceptional. Here are my picks.


It will take an act of God to stop Chrissie. Even that may not be enough (she lost something like 15 minutes with flats 2 yrs ago)... With an 8:19 at Challenge Roth (running a 2:48) she will absolutely kill everyone. It’s not even worth really discussing anyone else but Mirinda Carfrae and Tereza Marcel are again on great form. Julie Dibens will lead the race and maybe for a long while, but she can’t match Chrissie’s or Mirinda’s pace for a marathon even if she were running a 10k. No chance. Chrissie takes it lowering her course record again.


Completely wide open. The easy pic is Crowie and he is coming in with a perfect fitness and peaking better than last year. I don't buy that he has a weak bike but honestly I don’t think he has the fastest marathon (see Macca’s 2:42 and 2:45) in the field. Raelart and Henning were impressive with huge wins in Germany this yr. Macca and Stadler have been completely overlooked. Here’s my take… Crowie loses out. Raelart runs a 2:44 to win if it is warm. He was a few cups of Gatorade away from winning his first one and was pinning Crowie for a good while. Macca will surprise people and will win if it is cool. His race schedule was super light and his marathon is still the best in the field... including Crowie. Henning can’t close the race but will be in the hunt. Despite running and training like hell, Lieto still can’t win the race but will be involved late in the game again. You have to be a mongrel to win here and the only people who can win this race up top are Macca, Crowie, and Raelart. Forget Llanos, Stadler, Henning, Bozzone, Bockel, Beke, Potts, Bracht, and Lieto because they don’t have the mental goods to win in this field. You can’t rely on others making mistakes in this year’s race... As an aside, Fraser Cartmell will be in the top 10 in his first go.

The race also coincides with my last huge workout of the year before IM florida. 4hrs on the bike and a 13 mile run all at race pace... all my training days have been rungs on the ladder leading up to this. I have had a huge IM build that I am really confident in. This is the icing on the cake. Once I am done, I am glued to the computer to watch some red, shiney Mickey Mouse heads blow up.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Ugly Training

After taking a look at my previous posts it has becoming incredibly clear that I am only posting highlights of my training. People keep saying things like, “wow your training is ridiculous/ epic/ making me feel like less of a man… you are such a cool dude/ beast/ sexy hybrid animal who could run himself to death” How flattering. But utterly false. I want to share the less glamorous training so you get that it isn’t all setting pr’s and shattering ceilings. In fact it is almost none of that.

My training has been consistent from last November until now. I have missed probably 2 weeks in that time due to sickness. At that time my fitness was such that a continuous 20 min swim was all I could manage. Forget about a 2 hour bike ride. 23 mph was a thoroughly taxing effort. The climate of the Dominican had something to do with it but my standard run pace was about 8:30-9 min/mile. It has come a long way since then but the bottom line is the everyday stuff is mindless steady training. Sometimes it feels good and is respectable. More often than not it is shamefully slow. I sometimes stop to walk during runs where things aren’t firing. I go on rides where I don’t take my speedometer because it would just annoy me and make me do stupid things in training. I specifically pick running routes where no one will see me because I want to be alone in my slowness and shameful turdgery.

I don’t hesitate to be all sorts of flashy when I am doing race simulations as I am a vain peacock of a man but I would say the big workouts that seem awesome make up about 1 percent of my training over the last year. The rest is steady consistency. It’s the best. No fireworks and not huge hours relatively but it works for me.

For example… today I got up and ran/ waddled through a medium run. Super slow. I have run this route probably a good 5 minutes faster feeling really easy but today wasn’t the day. That doesn’t mean it was worthless. I was outside watching the sun come up on a trail system all to myself…

PRs are meant for races. Training PRs happen but aren’t the goal. Enjoy the process and don’t chase numbers. Let them come to you.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Nutrition Bible. Read this because I'm smarter than you.

Today I was out on a ride, thinking about the previous day's workout. It went awesome butI hate those long days mainly because I have to practice my race nutrition plan on them... Race nutrition is the biggest bunch of bull shit ever. Think about how many triathletes say "oh I would have nailed that race but i screwed up my nutrition" or "I was clicking along at 6 minute miles then I started barfing fruit punch gatorade right and left" or " I drank too much hammer heed and started hallucinating that Bon Jovi was sexually harassing me" .... too many.

This is the ultimate scam perpetrated by marketing departments. This sugary garbage is hugely overpriced but the kicker is... most of it fails MISERABLY at its only goal: keeping you functioning in a race situation.

Most of you who know me, know I am very opinionated. Also, you probably know I am nearly always right... basically what I am saying is what follows can essentially be treated as the definitive BIBLE, if you will, of race nutrition:

Now, I know bloggers really aren't that smart and can't handle reading things without pictures so I will do my best to dumb this down by creating a metaphor (don't be scared... this still isn't a book) relating nutrition companies to high school social hierarchy.

PLEASE! Before you drink the Race Nutrition Kool-Aid... read this.

Gatorade is like that girl in high school who does everything. She is the head cheerleader, she sings in the choir, she is the student council president. You see her everywhere. Also, she is in your advanced classes, pretending to be smart, and constantly asks really stupid questions. You see where I am going.
Gatorade is useless. Despite having derrick jeter telling you it's sweet and having a crap load of "science" behind it, it fails ALL THE TIME. If it hasn't failed you, give it time. The only people it may not fail are golfers, race car drivers, and baseball players. They could drink battery acid and perform fine. But also, they aren't athletes. Gatorade- you suck.

Clif bar is like that hippie girl in your classes who, at first, looks really interesting and says cool anti-establishment things. Then you get closer to her and she smells like rotten mexican food and sweat. Also, she is a painter and her art sucks.
Clif bar touts its organic ness and how the company takes "the road less travelled"...I puked in my mouth and I am not even eating their crap product. Who gives a S^%$ about organic. Last thing I am thinking about when I am puking clif bloks all over my bike shorts is how environmentally conscious the company is. Clif Bar- you are progressive but you still suck.

Hammer nutrition. HA! Hammer is that horribly acne'd, hugely obese, horrifically mean person in high school. You look for the best in everyone but, after thorough investigation, this person really has no redeemable qualities. Amazing, I know.
I can't even believe they are still in business. Every product is a failure. AN EPIC FAILURE. This company is so out of touch it's insane. You're better off drinking bacon fat and eating cake frosting. Hammer- you suck more than I can express in words.

Moral of the story is the only thing that works is water. Water is sadly not enough for long races. That being said... Powerbar and Gu gel get a blue ribbon for winning this toilet bowl of pathetic products. Congrats, you guys suck the least.

Coke also gets an honorable mention as accidentally being probably the best product around for racing. Imagine if it was still made with coca leaves. That stuff was probably off the charts.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Today I got up at 6 and jumped in the car and headed for my "time trial" course I have been riding for the last month. It is a bit tougher than IM florida but is the best simulation because it is on the coast so it usually gets good wind.

However, today the wind gods were asleep and I got through 60 miles on the bike before they woke up. I was ON FIRE. I went through 60 miles at 24.2 mph average. The winds kicked up as I was pushing the pace back home. I ended up hitting 95 miles at 23.7 mph average! (100 miles total) My ass muscles were completely detonated, but I felt more or less fresh.

I jumped off the bike, loaded up with coke, and set off on the run... I was clicking along ok but my gut was swelling like crazy due to a bird food-like clif bar and a huge breakfast. The first 4 miles looked like a pregnancy in time lapsed photography. I was swelling like an oompa loompa. A trip to the port-a-potty later and I was sorted. I finally found a rhythm and I ended up with 9.2 miles @ 7:30 pace (9.75 miles total with a waddly cool down)

let me recap:
95 miles @ 23.7 mph
9.2 miles @ 7:30 min/mile

That is flying! It was under control too... Still one more ladder rung to go. But it was a perfect day all around.

Friday, October 1, 2010


Alistair Brownlee was a baller even when he was 8... Look at that face. He takes it deeper than anyone.


Wow. Can't believe this but I wanted to throw you guys an update...

I am super nervous for this Saturday. I am basically posting this for some accountability. I am jittery for my planned workout. 100 mile ride 10 mile run. This is non-negotiable and massive bricks are critical for Ironman success.

I will post how it goes. No short cuts.

Another thing I am trying to do is lean out by COMPLETELY cleaning my diet up. I am blasting through pounds of Salad, Lemon Water, and Nuts. I have cut out cereal and the majority of processed food. I am on day five of being super on top of it and I am doing really well and seeing results already. It's amazing how puffy mid night cereal makes you.

Stay tuned for Saturday.