Saturday, December 20, 2008

Bear Grylls

I am going to apply for survivor. I am totally addicted to this show and I desperately want to prove that I can last in the wildnerness while acting like a backstabbing middle schooler. I sent out a survey to one hundred of my closest friends that asked...

how would you describe me?

A. ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary world
B. Sexy traitor
C. petty and verbally abusive
D. plays well with others
E. intelligence of a kick board

Sexy traitor was the number one choice followed closely by petty and verbally abusive. While the results were incredibly hurtful, I realized that success in survivor hinges on both of these traits. I was born for this show and it's time for this bear to leave the comfort of the hundred acre wood and get back to his no-t shirt wearing primal days. Getting away from piglet won't hurt either. I hate that stupid androgynous thing. Anyway, the next step is to make a video that shows why I would be an excellent survivor, so if you have any ideas, shoot them my way.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Base training smear campaign

Fellow triathletes,

I am writing to you to talk about the scourge on triathlon training known as LSD. Long slow distance. This monstrosity has victimized too many with false promises of go slower to get faster. Triathletes fall into plus or minus 5 bpm trap and there is no escape. I have a term for base training: junk mileage. Obviously endurance training is important but abandoning speed is not the answer. Mixing up workouts keeps your body fresh and prevents you from forgetting how to fly. Racing is not just like riding a bike. You can lose it. Racing is RIDING a bike. Do speed, forget LSD.

I am a bear of very little brain and I approve this message

Monday, November 17, 2008

MaliBear and excitement


It's been a long time, blogging community. You've gained weight. You still look good. I guess it's the off season and holidays and what not. Either way, I just am writing to tell you that this bear of very little brain is on the move! I am head to cali to work for Nokia as a package designer. I am fleeing from winter as fast as I consume a pound of honey. (actually quite fast) The training should be stellar as I am going to Calabasas. It is about an hour outside of LA and the mountains are on both sides. I have also gotten in contact with the UCLA tri team and look forward to joining a new collegiate club! Thought you outta know, bloggers. Please don't cry, blogging community. Your makeup is smearing. Never fear, the internet will always connect us.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Electoral Bear

So, after you have got your voting juices flowing by passing things like medical marijuana proposal and becoming part of the ObamaNation (no pun intended), we must turn our attention to the only thing that really matters. Triathlon is that issue.

Chris Sweet, an evotri member, is up for 2008 Chicago athlete of the year. He is blazingly fast and also an incredibly knowledgeable and helpful individual. He represents the change we need in this sport. Read about the other meager candidates here.... athletes of the month

Voting information can be found here. Note that a couple criteria have to be met for the vote to count. Your e-mail subject line has to have "Vote 2008- Adult Athlete of the Year" Also, you have to mark BOTH a male and female or else the ballot is tossed like a hanging chad. Attach the completed ballot to an e-mail with the above subject line and send to:

As Putty says, gotta support the team.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Black Friday

Hello all you beautiful people.

This past Friday I decided it was time to give back to the MSU tri club that has given me so much. I decided that my gift would be pain. Every Friday I am leading a workout called Black Friday. It consists of either a strength training workout targeted at running or a 5k race coupled with strength. The goal is to make it hard enough that it would make Mel Gibson denounce Catholicism and force Lance Armstrong to admit to doping. We did our first strength training workout and I got a little over excited. Amazing turnout of about 20-25 masochists. We embarked on our excruciating journey, hand in hand (for team bonding purposes). It was delightful. Our quads and bottoms annihilated, we disbanded to let the muscle damage seep in. The next day was horrible for me. It was comparable to what I felt after Ironman Wisconsin. I could barely sit down. I had to walk down hills backwards. I was as useless as Britney Spears Parenting. Sorry Brit. It has taken 3 days and I am not recovered. Perhaps it was a bit too black so I am going to lighten the hue of the following fridays to a dark grey or charcoal. Still...Watch out for the Spartans. I going to turn us all into monsters.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Eating cream puffs for breakfast

Hello blogging community. You look well today. I am well too. I have good news for you. I didn't blow up at Purdue. My swim was decent. I was within 2 seconds of my predicted time. My bike was a bit weak but I picked up spots on the swimmers ahead of me to set up my run. On the run I had a steady first 5k at 6:15's then worked the last 5k at 6:05's for a 2nd overall finish on a fairly strong field. What is that you say, blogging community? You thought I would blow up, like a marshmallow peep in a microwave? How rude. But yes, I thought I would too.

In other news, the drink of choice for the fall is Captain Morgans and Cider. But be careful, blogging community. You can't really taste the rum and I know how you have a problem holding your liquor. Remember when we were tailgating two weeks ago and you puked on that nice girl's shoes? Oh you don't? Well that's no surprise. You should always drink responsibly, blogging community. You embarrassed both of us last time.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Last go.

Hey witches and warlocks,

Purdue is this weekend. My recovery from Ironman is not even close to complete. This race is almost assuredly going to be a huge suffer fest. I like races like this because you see yourself in a very ugly place and you see what stuff you are truly made of. The Ironbear post was perhaps a little premature... Depending on this result the next post will be either titled cream puff bear or serial killer bear.
Either way I am shutting it down the day after this race and hibernation can't come soon enough. This bear is more tired and broken than everyone in the world is of hearing about anything to do with brangelina. Did you hear that brad is mad at angelina and he's been seen with Jen?!!!???!!!!!!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Urination station

Recently, pooh has come under fire a la the bush administration for something completely repugnant in the view of some and completely acceptable in the eyes of others. This issue is, for lack of a better word, "pissing" in ones shoes while racing. Apparently this is not kosher to those close to this bear of very little brain. I feel like it is in character for a dunce of a bear to run around peeing all over himself especially as he doesn't wear pants, but I guess this came as a shock to some. Well... get used to it. I am not going to stop. It's necessary. Time musn't be given up when the problem can be solved as easily as a babbling brook trickles. What are your thoughts, blogging community?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


"Pooh might seem a bit soft around the mid section being that he is stuffed with fluff. His calorie consumption of honey alone should render most clinically obese. However, when it comes to triathlon... well there are somethings that bears of very little brain do naturally." - A.A. Milne

Overall time- 10:13

Reaction- The swim was awesome with massive amounts of dunking occurring. I hate to say it, but if you have been dunked in a triathlon, I was probably the culprit. It isn't my fault, though. I am big boned and have rather large paws that get in the way. I came out of the water in a time about 1-2 minutes faster than I would have hoped.
The bike was tough but, as most things in triathlon are, over hyped. Fear mongering has a way of taking over after people do a race. It seems like a triathlete's duty to scare the crap out of as many others as possible about the difficulties of the course. Despite what you may have heard about the IM wisc bike being hellish, it isn't. It is rolling. Go sign up.
The run was sweet. I didn't have my garmin though so I went slightly slower than I would have liked. The crowds were unreal and the coke was flat and disgusting but useful.

Missed Kona by two spots and finished 5th in my age group. %$@#^$^%$^%$

All in all, awesome race. My family was there the whole way and my sister even ran about six miles of the run behind me to keep me company. The MSU tri team had 4 IM rookies and each smashed 12 hours so that was also sick. Stay tuned to the EVO tri website for the next issue of the collegiate.

Friday, September 5, 2008

IM Moo

In all seriousness... it is time to go. I appreciate all the support from everyone who helped me get to this point. Special thanks to Caitlin (girlfriend and best friend) who, on a daily basis, has put up with all the quirks, annoyances, and sacrifices that go along with Ironman.

I will do my best to absolutely kill it for all of you.

Mason, this is for you.

Here goes nothing.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


Last night I was reading some stuff from my A.A. Milne collection and it really got me going. Ironman Wisconsin is almost here and I am about to leave for Madison. Anyway, the following are some quotes from pooh that lit a fire in my belly that burns brighter than Bon Jovi's gorgeous smile.

"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."- Pooh taunting rabbit before both competed in Ironman

"If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize. "- goading piglet before a local triathlon

"I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."- Pooh hopped up on a slew of different uppers and downers.

I am getting pumped for this race.

Stay Tuned.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The value of nothing

A wise bear once said, "Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

Sometimes it can be scary to look at Pooh through a philosophical lens. You almost want him to be devoid of content, like that half-witted elmo who interacts with his drawers and other furniture. Not so with pooh. While he may hide under the guise of being a bear of very little brain, do not be fooled.

I am in the middle of my taper and that is where the life lesson from Pooh comes in. I am putting my faith in A.A. Milne and hoping that his background in triathlon helps me with my Ironman prep. Time to trust the training and slowly wind down. To quote Sweet, "You can't do anything to make you faster, but you can definitely do a lot that will make you slower."

In other news about ME! ME! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because after all, that is what we are all here for isn't it? I just moved into my new house and I am finally getting settled. It has an unbelievable bike room for the delightful east lansing winter and a gigantic kitchen that would make rachel ray throw up all that garbage she warms up on her food network show in an act of sheer jealousy.

May all your transitions be as fast and smooth as this one has been.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Blustery Day


Yesterday I just completed a killer workout. It was an unholy union of difficult activities. I did a 5k in the pool followed by an 85 miler on the bike in a good deal of rain followed by a 10.5 mile run. It went so well I am totally fahklumpt. Talk amongst yourselves........... My heart rate was super low on the bike with good speed and the run was a bit sub my IM goal pace and my hr was super low. I also recovered incredibly quickly. However all of that is irrelevant. My main purpose for blogging today is to plug the greatest thing since kosher hot dogs. Coca-Cola. I drank a liter of it on my run at various intervals and it was like Manna. Rocket Fuel. It made me happier than Ted Nugent polishing his firearms. I will be guzzling Coke at the Ironman as sure as shootin.

Mazel Tov for reading this.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Pooh's picks

The olympics are almost here and, like Michael Phelps is, I am only mildly interested. HA! I lied. I am so pumped and worked up I could eat coal and poop diamonds. I am definitely going to abandon all outdoor training to get on my trainer and plop myself in front of the tv for however long I can watch the U.S. beat the snot out of those godless communists. Here is my list of things not to watch in the olympics....

BMX (this will invariably get more coverage than triathlon... don't support this BS pseudo sport)

Rhythmic gymnastics (I have been pleading with the olympic committee to change this sport to something more interesting like re-runs of Roseanne.)

Equestrian (Unless you honor the horses by giving them medals and not giving the riders medals, as it should be.)

Be the change you want in the world!

Things to watch

TRIATHLON... at 1:30 am ( it is a highlight shot)

you can also watch live streaming online video... Matty Reed is my man... Hunter Kemper's wife went to MSU, which is pro and makes me pull for Hunter as well.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Heart Break in the Hundred acre wood

Yesterday was Steelhead. They canceled the swim which threw me into a blind fury. I lost it like Lou Pinella standing in line at the Secretary of State. They changed it to a two mile run which allowed the runners to lead going into the bike instead of flopping like dead fish through the chop of lake michigan and coming out six minutes down. Either way I had a really solid race. My ride was consistent and focused after the first few miles. My run was not spectacular but I was very happy and felt great through mile 8 then gutted the last few out. I think, had there been a swim, I would have come in with about a 12 minute pr which made me feel good about IM wisconsin.
On another note, meeting the evotri team was awesome. Everyone was incredibly nice and I am pumped to be part of such a cool group. They all raced well and I saw most of them out on the course doing the Evo jersey proud.
Now on to the tragedy. After the race my mom purchased a large quantity of fine honey from a roadside stand. The man suggested using honey in water as a replacement gatorade and I think I will experiment with this in the coming weeks. Anyway, I put the honey in my back pack and thought nothing of it. When I opened my pack to put everything away, I stuck my paw only to come out with a handful of honey covered in shards of broken glass. I was crushed. I tasted it anyway and it was incredible honey which only added insult to injury. Don't expect anymore blog posts for a while as I will be dealing with the crippling depression that this incident has caused.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

My thoughtful spot....

I am in the midst of a rest day as I get ready for the Steelhead triathlon. I loathe rest. I get antsy very quickly, hence blogging. You, poor blogging community, are my outlet. If you are like me and detest rest days, here are things that you can do to occupy your time until you can sleep and then wake up and be not on a rest day.

Watch Bob Saget Stand-up (Danny Tanner isn't actually funny, he is just foul so it's more for shock value)
Listen to Cake or Mark Ronson
Blog... ironic

Create Pizza
Pray for the sun to go away

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Hunny: the movement

Today I embarked on a 140 mile ride. It was a rough ride like teddy roosevelt. Hot and dry like a kid with a fever using old spice. I also lacked proper nutrition. However, true to form I used honey and B vitamins as my replacement gu. Let me tell you, that is absolute rocket fuel. Pooh was firing on all cylinders and I powered through the day. Hunny! If you don't know you will soon. Hunny: the movement. Get on board. It's supported like obama in a jog bra.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Adventures in the Hundred Acre Wood

Hey all!

This is second blog so bear (no pun intended) with me. Oh lord I am so awkward. Anywho, just thought I would throw up and update about the Spartans.

Me, Klingler, and Boyd ( buddies from the MSU tri team) went out to cheer at Ironman Lake Placid over the weekend. We had a fairly eventful trip through Canada that included camping behind a dumpster at a hotel and nearly getting arrested after being confronted by the managers of the comfort inn. They were not as hospitable as they claim. We will be taking our business to Holiday Inn in the future.

After arriving, we basically took over Ironman Lake Placid. We had 9 racers from MSU, 5 of which were IM rookies. All of them absolutely abused the course. The final finisher nearly brought me to tears with her display of sheer guts and determination. It was a horribly rainy day (14 hours of down pour) and she flatted three times in the pouring rain. Kristin Fredericks made me proud to be a Spartan. All of our racers really represented State well. They will be repaying our cheers as 5 Spartans, including myself, get ready for IM Wisconsin. I hope we can live up to the performance at Placid.

Monday, July 14, 2008


Hey all...

This is my first post so it will probably be as awkward as middle school. Case in point. Um well I guess I should explain my nickname. You might be thinking, "Pooh Bear, well that is a really dumb nickname. LOL!!!!!" You'd be right. However, allow me to enlighten you. Pooh Bear is a delightful animal who resides in the hundred acre wood. He also stubbornly refuses to wear pants. Neither of these traits are reflected in yours truly. But he also is a notorious consumer of Honey. This is where the nickname was born. I cover pretty much everything I eat in honey. While eating on a road trip this summer, I got so enthusiastic with my honey that I covered myself and my seatbelt with this nectar of the gods. Needless to say, the honey hardened and the seatbelt was no longer functional. It can be a dangerous indulgence.
So with the introduction out of the way, I will proceed with blogging on a regular basis. I will try to keep them short and sweet so no one gets irritated, hostile, bored or rumbly in their tumbly. To quote the wise and original pooh, “It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?""
I'd also like to thank evotri for the honor of joining the team.

-Counterfeit Pooh