Saturday, April 3, 2010

The D.R. buries its foot in my groin again!

I am back in business after my most recent groin kick given to me by the Dominican Republic. It actually was E Coli instead of Dengue. 6 days total. 3 days completely in bed. 2 days without food. 1 very unhappy author.

The more I think about why I got sick, the more I hate the place we stayed and the woman who ran it. It was called Rancho Wendy... and let's just say Wendy didn't run the most hygenic institution. Caitlin saw two chicks do their business on the kitchen floor. The hands were not washed thoroughly and the plates were a bit smudgy. The kicker was, upon opening the fridge, I saw a hunk of completely uncovered meat and wad of room temp cheese. The power was intermittent and we went hours without power. I think it is safe to say that frigid witch Wendy served me rotten meat.

I would like to take a baseball bat to every window in the place. SHOCK AND AWE CAMPAIGN!!!!!

The funny thing was, upon figuring out we were leaving, she approached Caitlin and said, in broken english:

"I think you are leaving away cuz you are boring".... She meant bored. No lady. We aren't leaving because of that. We are leaving because you effing poisoned me.

MOVING ON....

Caitlin has been across the road and around the bend, so to speak and she has been dropping some entertaining quotes... I figured I would share.

"you need to stop being a butt licker to me"... Hmmm. Let's get one thing straight, bloggers. I am NO butt licker. She has a foul mouth. Probably bad breeding.

"I'm gonna put this phone up your butthole"... Probably after she didn't get her way in some altercation. Clearly a mature and well pondered solution.

"You know what always came naturally to me? Not getting sick like a Nancy"... After I boasted about how whistling came naturally to me she dropped this gem. She called me a Nancy for getting sick all the time. She chips away at my psyche like a relentless goblin.


4 comments:

Caitlin said...

Folks, don't listen to a word he says. I'm a lady. I think he's still delirious from the poisoning.

Alex said...

Here's what I don't get: Why did you eat Wendy's meat?? Jesus Christ. I think if I were down there I'd be eating only prepackaged cereals by now.

Ann Bernadette said...

Officially cannot stop laughing right now, I had to quit reading because I am at work and I can't stop laughing! My eyes are watering!!

Ann Bernadette said...

Okay, I couldn't resist, I came back to finish reading, you two are hilarious!